911 Operator Informs Black Caller That Death Is On The Way

The Onion

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Reassuring the man that he would receive an immediate response to his emergency, a 911 operator reportedly informed local black caller Jerry Wardell Tuesday that death was on the way. “Thank you for calling 911, please sit tight and don’t worry, first responders will be there to end your life shortly,” said the 911 operator after confirming what Wardell looked like, as well as the identities of others present at the emergency situation, in order to arrange for sufficient agents of death to ensure the expiration of every black life present. “We’ve already dispatched several liquidators into the field, so just remain calm and you should be dead within 10 minutes. If you stay on the line, I’ll be able to talk you through your last breaths and make sure that we’re able to bring you and your loved ones a swift termination.” At press time, the 911 operator was advising the frantic black caller to move to a location where the responding officers would be able to clearly shoot him.